LUSH PUPPIES
I can explain. It’s very valuable. You can see how I lived before I met you. Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. You can see how I lived before I met you. There’s no part of that sentence I didn’t like!
What are their names? Shinier than yours, meatbag. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’!
The Shadow
These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are. Maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you are pretending to be. You are the last hope of the universe.
They’re like sex, except I’m having them! Oh, how awful. Did he at least die painlessly? …To shreds, you say. Well, how is his wife holding up? …To shreds, you say. Hello Morbo, how’s the family?
SHOWREEL
Ah, yes! John Quincy Adding Machine. He struck a chord with the voters when he pledged not to go on a killing spree. Then we’ll go with that data file! Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
And when we woke up, we had these bodies. It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? No, I’m Santa Claus!
Littlewoods
Shut up and take my money! Good man. Nixon’s pro-war and pro-family. And I’d do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it. The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Tell them I hate them. But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. Ah, the ‘Breakfast Club’ soundtrack! I can’t wait til I’m old enough to feel ways about stuff! Tell them I hate them.
Smiling Hunter
Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away! I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. Shut up and take my money! We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain! Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
GEOMETRIKARAOKE
Soon enough. I wish! It’s a nickel. Then we’ll go with that data file! So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.
Why would a robot need to drink? Now that the, uh, garbage ball is in space, Doctor, perhaps you can help me with my sexual inhibitions? And then the battle’s not so bad? And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr.
Daffodils
Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! With gusto. So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Kif might! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
Oh God, what have I done? What kind of a father would I be if I said no? But, like most politicians, he promised more than he could deliver. Bender, we’re trying our best. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers?
Fuego
It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Would you censor the Venus de Venus just because you can see her spewers? Why did you bring us here? Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages!
Stop! Don’t shoot fire stick in space canoe! Cause explosive decompression! With gusto. So I really am important? How I feel when I’m drunk is correct? Kif might! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.
Miracle Touch
You guys realize you live in a sewer, right? Look, last night was a mistake. I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. I’ve got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I’m going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now ‘I” have to pay ”them’!
Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! And from now on you’re all named Bender Jr. For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.
Arconic
No argument here. Yes, if you make it look like an electrical fire. When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all. Oh, but you can. But you may have to metaphorically make a deal with the devil. And by “devil”, I mean Robot Devil. And by “metaphorically”, I mean get your coat.
It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. You’ve killed me! Oh, you’ve killed me! Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.”
Airbnb
Who are you, my warranty?! Bender, we’re trying our best. Wow! A superpowers drug you can just rub onto your skin? You’d think it would be something you’d have to freebase. Why would a robot need to drink?
That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. We’re rescuing ya.
